Not Ever The Same
by VerelLupin
Summary: Rick, Andrea and Phillip have all changed since the apocalypse began but only two will survive in this new world. And it will be up to Andrea to decide who to help, the Governor or the Sheriff.
1. Chapter 1

**Just what I would like to happen in the Suicide King episode. Will be about three chapters long.**

**Enjoy...**

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"Let me go…"

"Andrea!"

"Let me go!" she shouted and pushed free.

"You can't do that." Milton said trying to make her listen to him but she was too busy fighting her way past the two men standing between her and the Governor. "You have to stop..."

"Let him go," she pleaded even though one of his henchmen was holding onto her waist. "Phillip!"

Another blocked her path and shoved the edge of his gun into her stomach, "stay out of this."

"He is my friend."

"It's not up to me anymore, the people have spoken."

"What! They're not speaking. This is a mob screaming for blood. This is not what you worked for. You can't just sacrifice them."

"Get her out of here!" The governor growled.

The men dragged her away but she refused to be silenced, "this is wrong. We aren't animals. You can't do this. Phillip don't do this!"

They barely cleared the outdoor arena when the sight of the familiar smoke made the two men drop her and run back into the fray. Andrea went back in after them and pulled her gun out. She was determined to help and she though she was pretty sure that Daryl was still with Rick's group, she was going to be cautious and armed.

"Get them, kill them!"

She heard Phillip scream but she didn't bother to search for him in the thickness of the smoke. She felt her way blindly and grabbed onto someone. The man knocked her hand off his arm and twisted it behind her back and she found herself face to face with a familiar whiskered face.

"Andrea?"

"Rick! You have to help Daryl. They'll kill him, you have to get him out of here."

"Andrea? How…T-Dog saw you fall," he said still holding onto her arm.

"No time for explanations, go." She shoved him off her and in the direction of Daryl, who had just knocked down the man who had been holding his crossbow.

"Rick!" Daryl shouted dispatching a man that had sneaked up on Rick and Andrea while they'd been talking, "we don't got all day."

"Go!" Andrea said pushing at him.

"What about you?"

"I'll meet up with you in the woods if I can. I have to find out what the hell happened here."

Daryl eyed them curiously but motioned impatiently to Rick with his bow. "The smoke is beginning to clear. I'll be fine." Andrea reassured him with a tentative smile and he vanished in Daryl's direction.

At the edge of the cloud, Andrea spotted Michonne pulling Daryl over the wall and covering Rick's back as he too climbed over the truck. Woodbury's men were still trying to make sense of the chaos and Andrea took advantage of the commotion and fled in the opposite direction.

Luckily people had heard the gunshots and were running through the streets in panic, which helped disguise her true destination. "Go back to your homes and lock your doors." Andrea directed and kept running.

She got to the wall and noticed only two men were patrolling it. Silently the blond crouched down and made her way towards one of the military vehicles that had been recovered from the National Guard soldiers. Taking a deep breath, Andrea walked along the side using it for cover. She had just reached the edge of the truck when the spotlight illuminated her.

"Stop, don't shoot," she yelled out making sure that her gun was securely tucked in her waistband as she raised her hands and slowly walked towards the light.

"What are you doing here?" one of the men asked.

"I heard noises from this direction. I thought that maybe somebody else had gotten in. I just wanted to see if you guys needed help."

"We've got it covered."

Andrea nodded and turned only to bump right into the man that had been holding onto earlier. "I told you to stay out of this."

"I didn't do anything."

"That's for the Governor to decide. Come on."

He gave her a hard jab in the back with his gun and Andrea had no choice but to be marched back to the Governor's house. She was pushed into the darkened room and left to wait. She turned on a light and when nobody immediately burst through the door she ran to the side of the bed and automatically gathered up her things and shoved them hurriedly into her bag.

"Leaving so soon."

"Phillip, I'm so glad you are okay." She whirled around, dropped her bag and ran to embrace him. "I was afraid you'd get hurt in the confusion."

"Were you now?"

She pulled back from his hug and looked up at him in surprise. "What the matter with you? Why are you talking to me this way?"

"Nothing. I just find it hard to believe that you would be concerned since you helped whoever attacked us escape. Not to mention that one of my men found you near the side wall."

"I didn't help anybody do anything. I couldn't see anything in that cloud of smoke so I left to insure that our other wall had not been breached."

"Why the bag then? You meeting up with them?"

"I like being prepared and if you plan on going after whoever attacked us, then I want to go too. Anything else you'd like to question me about?" she snapped.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I guess I'm just a little upset about Merle and the whole situation. It cost us good men and the town is in a panic from the first attack. A second just turned everybody hysterical."

"Do you know who attacked us?"

"Merle's brother called one of them Rick. You know anybody by that name?"

Andrea turned away from him and sat on the bed. "Yeah. He was part of the group I was in before I met Michonne."

"He a threat?"

"I don't think so. He wouldn't attack unless provoked." Andrea said thoughtfully.

"You saying we provoked this Rick person somehow?"

"Someone did. I wouldn't be surprised if it had been Merle that caused this problem. He's had a vendetta against him ever since Rick handcuffed him to that rooftop in Atlanta. Besides Merle didn't look all that surprised to see Daryl, which means he knew for sure that he was alive."

"You told him that Daryl was alive when you got here." He said sitting down beside her.

"Yeah but that was eight months ago. I had no idea if he still was."

"There's a prison a few miles from here, my men and I will search there first thing in the morning."

"Let me go instead." She said suddenly.

"Why?"

"If this is a misunderstanding then a friendly face might work better than you and your men armed to the teeth. Let me talk to them and I'll report back and let you know if it is Rick or not."

"It's too dangerous."

"I know them. They won't hurt me and I'll check before I get too close."

"Okay but you stay safe. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you."

Andrea nodded and he placed a soft kiss on her temple and got up. "I'm going to see what kind of damage we have. Rest and tomorrow morning you can go."

Andrea curled back into the bed and wondered how she was going to get Rick to listen.

"Do you trust her?" Milton asked as soon as the Governor closed the door.

"I don't know where her loyalties lie but it doesn't matter. As soon as she gets close to the prison and gains their trust, we'll take all of them out including her."

Milton nodded and together they headed out to comfort the terrified populace.


	2. Chapter 2

**I had to re-watch the I ain't a Judas episode to get the dialogue and let me tell you that it was so damm hard to watch them interact knowing what happens in the finale. (which will not happen in this story.)**

** We will be jumping to Rick's point of view in the next chapter but I won't do such a detailed recap of the next to episodes with the exception of Prey.  
**

**I own nothing but the desire to undue the death of my ship.**

**Anyway...Enjoy!**

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Andrea had been accused of being many things through out her life. A blonde had always been the top most insult and though she could be very naive at times, she was by no means stupid.

She knew that Phillip didn't trust anybody and that he wasn't as together as she had originally thought, Andrea also he knew was lying to her but she wasn't sure about what.

If there were one thing she'd always counted on, it was Rick's integrity and no matter what Phillip said, Rick would have never shot up a place unless he felt there was no other choice, yet he had.

Now Andrea was stuck between Woodbury and her old group, between the Phillip she knew and the Rick she no longer recognized but her real problem was deciding what to do about it.

She spent the rest of the night pacing and plotting what she would say to Rick once she reached the prison, if Phillip didn't stop her, while at the same time trying to understand her misgivings of reuniting with her former group.

The noise from the chaos was a good companion as she thought and once it died down, Phillip returned and she shifted onto her side to better talk it over with him. "Everything ok?"

"As okay as it's going to be," he said gruffly.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm so tired of all this fighting."

"I know. Tomorrow will be a better day."

It wasn't. The town's peace had been destroyed and now everybody within it wanted out. Cars with supplies on their roofs had lined up at the main gate while Martinez and his crew brandished their guns at anybody who tried as so much to nudge forward.

"Where's the Governor?" Andrea shouted.

Martinez ignored her while the rest of the townspeople shouted to be let out. An argument broke out between a few people and the guardians on the wall and Andrea had to deal with it until screaming alerted them to the danger at their backs.

Several walkers had made it in and had managed to knock down one man and were reaching for a helpless woman. Two of the men on the wall jumped down to rescue the woman knowing they'd never reach the man in time.

"Help me!" he wailed but the people only looked on with horrified wonder as he was bitten.

Andrea approached the man, there was only one thing she could do for him. She raised her gun but the man's face was suddenly Dale's stricken one. **'Please Andrea. I saved you, you have to save others now, you have to save them.'** The gunshot broke the spell and it was no longer Dale she was looking down on.

She followed the gun to the outstretched hand holding it and up to the man with the blank face that had fired it. He walked back into his mansion, leaving Andrea to deal with the town now afraid of their own leader.

She made a speech to calm them; one that would have made Dale proud but inside she was torn. She wanted to help these people; she wanted the peace of Woodbury but she also wanted to find her friends; she wanted them to be here.

After the hell they'd gone through; getting stuck in Atlanta, the attack at the campsite, losing Jim and Jacqui, the failed trip to the CDC, losing Sophia and Dale. Not to mention Carl getting shot and the massacre at Hershel's farm that had separated her from them, they deserved some peace.

**'But how can I leave if Phillip wasn't willing to be here for his town?'**

Eventually Andrea reasoned that if she wanted to make a stand here, she had to see what remained of her old world and make peace with it. She had to know what had brought Rick and the others to start a fire fight without regard for the innocent people in the town.

Milton agreed to help her but only if he came with her and after the Governor came back from wherever he'd gone. She agreed and was even more determined to go when she found out that Phillip had gone to meet Rick and the others without her.

'_I went to negotiate. Bad enough we got biters at our gates, we have agressors just miles away.'_

'_So you went and welcomed them to the neighborhood?'_

'_You know they shot at us? I don't know who these people were when they were with you but they've changed. They're bloodthirsty.'_

That same day she'd gotten Milton to help her over the wall and they'd managed to cut and restrain her very own walker pet. They stumbled onto another group and Milton was persuaded to take them back to town while she went onto the prison alone.

She didn't adore the idea of being alone with just this thing, her gun and a small axe but what choice did she have? She certainly didn't want her friends and her new town to kill each other over a misunderstanding.

The walk was uneventful and long but it gave her time to think about how she'd approach the group. She knew that if she wanted her proposal to be taken seriously, she'd have to appeal to Rick first. Once he saw she wasn't a threat then the others would fall in line, she was sure of that.

The prison was large and overrun with walkers, which surprised her. She had assumed it be cleared or at least that the gates would be up and fully closed. She knew Lori and the baby were living here and Rick would have never let them move in unless they had relative safety. Something was definitely wrong here.

She saw the long narrow road through the large expanse of field full of walkers and took a chance with her new pet. She had to hatchet one or two in the face but eventually she made it to the main gate where Rick and company were running towards her with weapons pointed.

**'What the hell?'**

"Are you alone?" Rick shouted.

This was not the same man that had smiled and nearly given her a hug in relief at seeing her alive amidst the smoke and chaos in Woodbury, this was a man that looked like he could have shot at a welcoming party.

"Open the gates!" she shouted back.

"Are you alone?" he repeated.

"Rick!"

She saw him lower his gun long enough to toss Daryl the keys that would open the gate but he just as quickly lifted the rifle and looked at her through the scope.

"Open it." Daryl commanded to Merle and she let go of her pet and hurried to join the safety of her former group.

"Hand's up! Turn around." She didn't make it more than a few steps into the gate when she was pushed hard into the fence with a walker dangerously close on the other side of it.

She screamed as she was hauled backwards and found herself face to face with him, except there was no warmth in his eyes this time. There was no happiness, only anger and a promise of retribution if she didn't obey his commands.

Andrea afraid of this never before seen side of him dropped her weapons without protest and it popped into her head that she'd never been afraid of him before.

She opened her mouth to say something witty or funny to kill the terror rising inside her but the brusque way he ran his hands over her body made her shut her mouth with a snap. This didn't seem like he was just being cautious and checking her for weapons.

Rick was manhandling her in a way that seemed much more personal, like if he was angry with her. It felt like he was punishing her for doing something.

"Get down on the floor."

She dropped to the ground as instructed and even lifted her arms to show she was unarmed. He bent down alongside her keeping his gun trained on her while he reached over and patted the sides of her thighs and in between her legs, giving no sign that she'd once been a friend.

She allowed it because it was him and because she desperately wanted to know what had turned the seemingly shy man she flirted with in an abandoned department store into this angry man that had no problem sliding his hands all over her without a single ounce of respect for her person.

He gripped her arm and yanked her even closer to him only to hiss into her ear, "I asked if you were alone." She ignored the involuntary shiver that ran down her spine at the contrast between the coldness of his words and the hot breath on her neck that delivered them.

"I am." She answered but he was already past that question as he took the strap of her bag, dragged it over her head and tossed it aside. For a moment she thought he might actually strip her just to be sure she wasn't hiding something, she wouldn't put past him at this point.

Instead he nodded to the rest of the group and they got up from their defensive positions and lowered their guns while Rick took a second to secure the gate she'd come through.

She remained on her knees and Michonne did nothing but curiously glance at him and then at her but Andrea had no time to process what that look meant as she was once more caught up in the former sheriff's hands, "welcome back. Get up."

Somehow this calm voice scared her more than when he'd been screaming at her.

"Rick…"

"Quiet," he said and shoved her in front him as they entered the dark prison.

Nobody talked as they walked and her eyes never strayed from Rick's back as they made their way through a series of gates. At each one he would unlock it then let her pass though, moved her forward to the next door then waited with his gun lightly pressed against her back until the others caught up and the door was locked again.

They did this process for a series of doors and the closer they got to their destination, the harder his gun seemed to dig into her. The final door led them to what would have been a common area for that particular cellblock. This time he entered first and remained in front of her as he adopted his typical interrogation pose near the door of what she assumed were their living quarters.

She looked around the dark and stuffy area and had to swallow back the cry of dismay that her former family was living in such squalor while she'd been living in the paradise that Woodbury, clearly was.

Seeing Carol brought the tears to her eyes and she hugged the other woman to hold them back and get a chance to compose herself and meet this new Rick head on.

"After you saved me, we thought you were dead." Carol whispered.

She didn't have time to respond as the old man that had sheltered them came into view, "Hershel, my God!" Andrea looked around again at the familiar but cold faces around her, "I can't believe this."

Some were missing and she didn't hesitate to ask Rick directly, "where's Shane?" He looked harshly at her then down then at Daryl and the hunter shook his head slightly. "And Lori?" Rick looked at her with twice the harshness and again lowered his eyes.

"She had a girl, Lori didn't survive." Hershel said.

"Neither did T-Dog," Maggie added before she could ask for him as well.

"I'm so sorry." She said and caught sight of Rick's not so little boy, "Carl."

The boy stared back in stony silence and she couldn't help but look again at his father and compare how alike they were. "Rick…I…"

He backed away at her approach and she physically recoiled at his blatant rejection. She looked around again hoping to break the awkward silence that permeated the air, "you all live here?"

"Here in the cell block." Glenn replied from behind her.

"There?" she pointed at the open gate. "Can I go in?" she asked already moving forward but Rick blocked her path and again she felt his rejection slam her into place.

"I won't allow that." He said stopping so close that she instinctively backed away.

"I'm not an enemy, Rick." She replied but she didn't move another inch, he reminded her too much of an wild animal, and she was not about to corner him and have him lash out.

"We had that field, courtyard until your boyfriend tore down that fence with a truck and shot us up."

"He said you fired first."

"Well, he's lying."

It was such a heavy statement and so full of hidden rage that Andrea was caught between wanting to comfort Rick and leaving the prison to shoot Phillip in the other eye for having done this to the man that had risked so much for her. For hurting someone who had walked among walkers to save her and a bunch of people he had no business saving.

They stared at one another for a full minute each gauging the other and Andrea wondered if he would crack before they all did from the stress of keeping them alive. She wanted so badly to apologize for what had happened to them but she didn't know what to say.

"He killed an inmate that survived in here." Hershel said interrupting their staring match and giving the rest of the group a breather from the tension that had settled between her and Rick since she arrived and had gotten steadily worse as they talked.

"We liked him, he was one of us." Daryl said still holding his crossbow though it was turned up.

"I didn't know anything about that. As soon as I found out, I came." Rick stared at her steadily as if he was measuring and weighing every word coming out of her mouth, his normally gentle eyes seeming so much bluer in the hard stare leveled at her. "I didn't even know you were in Woodbury until after the shoot out."

"That was days ago." Glenn accused.

"I told you I came as soon as I could." She defended herself but nobody wanted to take her word, nobody wanted to trust or even give her the benefit of the doubt. She heard a purposeful clang on the metal behind her and spotted Michonne. "What have you told them?"

"Nothing." But that single word was loaded with intent.

"I don't get it. I left Atlanta with you people and now I'm the odd man out?"

"He almost killed Michonne and would have you killed us." Glenn interrupted.

"With his finger on the trigger." Andrea replied angrily pointing at Merle. "Isn't he the one who kidnapped you? Who beat you?" She took a deep breath and started over. "Look, I cannot excuse or explain what Phillip has done but I am here trying to bring us together. We have to work this out."

"There is nothing to work out." Rick snapped. He moved with deadly purpose but Andrea was not backing down again. "We're gonna kill him. I don't know how or when but we will."

"We can settle this." She didn't mean him and Phillip. She meant them, her and him.

They had always had a connection. It had never been exploited because of Lori and all the other circumstances of their horrible world but she was determined not to make the same mistakes she'd made with Shane and clearly Phillip. She wanted Rick and his children and their friends to have a decent life. They deserved it. "There is room in Woodbury, for all of you."

Merle laughed, "you know better than that."

She glared at him knowing very well what he was talking about. Merle had made no secret that he knew about her little crush on Rick and delighted in teasing her about it. Since they'd been in Woodbury together he'd made enough casual mention of it in front of Phillip, to ensure that the good looking sheriff would never be allowed to step foot in the Governor's little town.

The threat to his leadership was bad enough but the perceived threat to his woman was another matter all together and he was the jealous type.

"What makes you think this man wants to negotiate? Did he say that?" Hershel asked once more playing peacekeeper.

"No."

"Then why did you come here?" Rick asked.

"Because he's gearing up for war! The people are terrified, they see you as killers, they're training to attack."

Daryl spoke quietly, "I'll tell you what, next time you see Phillip, you tell him I'm gonna take his other eye."

"We've taken too much shit for too long, he wants a war, he's got one," added Glenn.

This was spiraling out of control; this was not why she had chosen to come here. She was trying to calm them down not egg them on. "Rick…if you don't sit down and try to work this out, I don't know what's going to happen. He's got a whole town…" he wasn't responding to her pleas, none of them were. "Look at you, you've lost so much already. You can't stand alone anymore."

Rick went around her and leaned in close, closer than they'd ever been before. "You want to make this right, get us inside."

"No. There are innocent people-"

"Then we have nothing to talk about," he interrupted her then walked away leaving her spluttering as he slammed the door of their living quarters, making sure she could not follow.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked Michonne.

The woman shrugged a shoulder and walked out.

Their talk went exactly as she expected. Michonne spoke in riddles with no real explanations for her suspicions of the Governor and his ways. Michonne finished their talk by telling her that she'd chosen a warm bed over a friend which was a simplification at best and an injustice at worst.

She stood outside and watched the walkers roaming the field that Rick had said they had and she felt even more conflicted. **'They had all this before he came? Had they really shot at him without any kind of provocation?' **Granted even this changed group still seemed better than that, they were wounded not bloodthirsty, she could see that much.

"If you're done here I suggest you leave." Rick said from behind her.

"Can I say goodbye to Carol?"

"You got five minutes."

She nodded her thanks and went in to find her.

"She's in there," Daryl said without looking up from his bow cleaning. "Rick know you here?"

"He said I had five minutes."

"Better hurry."

"What changed him?"

"Too much to say."

"Daryl, I need him to trust me. I have to stop this." She pleaded.

"Unless you give him the governor, they're ain't no trust to be had. Go see Lil' Ass Kicker."

Her friend was inside the living area standing at the top of the stairs with Judith in her arms. Clearly the woman was waiting to have her own conversation with her.

"Couldn't leave without saying hi to Lil' Ass Kicker."

"Of course," Carol replied and handed over the child. "You got her?"

"I got her." She was beautiful and so innocent of their world. "Let me guess, Daryl was the one who named her Ass kicker but that's not really her name?"

"Judith."

"Judith. What happened to Lori?"

Carol told her about Lori's death and Carl's grisly role in it. Told her how T-Dog had rescued her from the tombs and sacrificed himself to do it. Told her of Shane being killed by Rick in self-defense when Shane killed Randall to ambush him.

"Shane loved Rick."

"Shane loved Lori," both women glanced at the baby in Andrea's arms.

"Rick's become cold, unsteady."

"He has his reasons." Andrea gave Judith back to Carol wishing that the other woman had told her exactly what the reasons were that had contributed to Rick's new personality. "The governor, something has to be done about him."

"I am."

"You need to sleep with him. Give him the greatest night of his life, get him to drop his guard then when he's sleeping, you can end this."

"I don't know that I can handle him touching me, not with everything I've learned."

"Then you better pick a side, stay here and give Rick what information you have or leave and follow the Governor, regardless of your former ties to us. They will got to war and you can't afford to stay in the middle."

"Time's up!" Rick shouted.

"Take care."

"Good luck." Carol said.

Andrea went down the stairs and followed Daryl who was waiting to escort her back out.

"Good luck?" Rick asked. "For what?"

"I told her to pick a side." Carol said adjusting Judith and putting her down for her nap.

"She's leaving."

"She's going to try to kill the Governor." Carol replied.

Rick ran up the stairs, "she told you that!"

Carol shook her head. "No but she will then she'll get killed by his people and it will be done without one kindness shown to her or she won't be able to and she'll be killed by us."

"I can't trust her, she's with him now."

"She didn't know what happened here until today. She was alone for months. We have no idea what she went through. Michonne has not made a single mention of their time together. We had each other, some supplies and even some vehicles. She was on foot and alone with Michonne and two walkers for company. Can you blame her for choosing that place and that man?"

"I know that. I'm responsible for her being out there but not for what she's chosen to ignore."

"I don't blame her and neither should you. I could easily see making those same choices, I did. I stayed with Ed knowing what a piece of crap he was. I subjected my daughter to his abuse because I didn't want to fend for myself, I didn't want to struggle alone."

"That's different. Ed was physically abusive. You were scared." Rick replied.

"There are different types of abuse, Rick. Some catch you by surprise and by the time you realize that you've been taken for a ride, it's too late to do anything but hang on."

By the time they came out the rest of the group was waiting. Some had their weapons ready to fire and others had their hands resting causally on them. All stood to the together on one side and Andrea stood alone next to fence waiting on them to open it and lead her out.

"Wait, she needs a car."

Andrea turned in surprise but Rick was talking to Daryl. The other man reached into his pocket like he'd expected nothing else and tossed the keys to Glenn.

Glenn ran into a side yard and disappeared. Maggie and Carol went to the large doors that faced the courtyard they were in and stood by them.

"Don't forget to bring it back." Rick said coming down to stand beside her. "We don't have many."

"Rick, I am sorry for what happened. I would have come here right away if I had known you were here, you know that right."

"I know that you're in a difficult situation but so are we. We can't afford to take any chances."

"I'm not asking you to." She said quietly so the others wouldn't hear yet another argument between them. They were shaky as it was, she didn't want to rock the boat any further.

"Yeah you are. What am I supposed to do when you show up unannounced a day after your boyfriend destroys our home? When you show up after we thought you were dead?"

"I was expecting you to be happy that I wasn't and Phillip is not my boyfriend, I'm not a twelve-year old girl."

"I was happy before I found out that you were sleeping with the enemy," he snarled. "Before when I saw you in that smoke, I thought I knew where your loyalties lay, now I don't know."

"They lay in the same place as always. In the place that keeps everybody I care about alive, like you."

"Then bring an end to it, to him."

"It's not that simple." She said.

"Its always that simple, him or me, us or them. There's nothing else."

"If I get caught afterwards, will you come get me?"

"You know I would."

"Like you did at the farm?"

"Like I should have done. Yes, I'll come for you. Me."

Their conversation came to a close as Glenn honked and the doors were open allowing him to bring the car right up to them.

"Bring it back."

**'Don't get caught. Don't get dead.'**

"Can you spare it?"

**'I'm afraid to go back.'**

"Yeah."

**'Tell me what I need to know and I'll protect you.'**

"Well take care," she said and got in.

**'I can't stay then.' **

"Andrea." He said and approached her door and gave her gun back.

**'You don't have to go back to that place, you can stay with us.'**

She took the gun placed it in her lap and he handed her another one. A black one he'd been carrying earlier. The same one he had pressed into her back.

**'I'm afraid you won't want me here, that the group will shun me and I'll be alone again.'**

"Be careful." He said resisting the urge to lean in to tell her so only she could hear the fear for her safety in his voice.

**'If you can't do it, come back. Don't stay there.'**

She put her hands on the wheel to keep from grasping his but she did gaze at him and let him see just what it was costing her to drive away.

"You too."

**'I'll come back. I won't make you come for me.'**

She glanced in her rearview mirror; taking in one last mental picture of her old family, saw Daryl standing guard at the front like an overprotective older brother. Hershel at the top of the walkway like a father letting her make her own decisions.

Glenn and Maggie flanking Carol like a pair of nervous younger siblings that were following a wiser lead. Carol the best friend telling her to be strong and Carl and Beth the children that had grown up too fast and seen more than she had. Children that had no faith in what she could do for them.

Then she saw Rick, legs apart head down and hands on his riffle like he expected it to disappear or worse be ripped from his hands. He was the enigma, he was the man she still wanted but was too afraid to ever be honest with about it.

The husband she'd never been able to catch in her old life. The solid foundation her mother had always wanted her to have while she'd dated nothing but shaky and broken ground.

He looked up, lifted his hand in a wave and she saw a brief flash of something new.

She saw that although he was currently buried in his mind, he still was able to show her that his heart was mending. That seeing and talking to her had allowed some of their former bond to resurface.

That he would be there for her if she was there for him.

Merle opened the gate and she drove away from the prison slowly and feeling every single mile closer to Woodbury was tearing her in two, one Andrea who wanted the easy comfort and security and the other that needed the hard work and companionship.

She was allowed in and immediately she headed to what a few hours ago had been her home.

Phillip sat relaxed and listening to music, calm and with a glass of scotch in hand. He was the exact opposite of Rick who had stood stiff and silent with a riffle waiting to be used.

"I went to the prison, they're broken. Living in horrible conditions."

"Michonne there, Merle?"

"I didn't see them," she replied.

"Rick?"

She swallowed and felt the extra gun he'd slipped her, heavy in the waistline of her jeans. "Yes."

"He sent you back here?" He took a drink.

"No. That was my call." She licked dry lips.

"Why?"

She tried to put it into words but her voice would not work. She was too emotionally exhausted, too overwhelmed by being as close to her friends as she'd been now that she was so far away.

Phillip got up and she was almost afraid he'd shake the truth out of her. Instead he caressed her cheek and told her that she belonged in Woodbury. He hugged her to him and she kept quiet as he wrapped his arms around her unintentionally squeezing the bruises left by Rick's hands.

Back at the prison, the silence was broken only by the sounds of Beth's singing as each and every member of their small family got ready to put this emotionally charged day behind them. Maggie and Glenn sat on the stairs together while Merle and Michonne stood at opposite ends keeping watch.

Carl sat beside Carol while she stirred the fire. Hershel and Daryl waited together as Rick made his way over to them with Judith cradled in his arms. His steady walk a soothing accompaniment to Beth's lyrics that had to broken for the sake of what would come tomorrow.

"Some reunion, huh." Daryl said eying Rick closely.

"She's in a jam." Rick replied and wondered for a second what Andrea had looked like holding his child, if she had cooed at her and made funny faces.

"We all are." Hershel said reading the same anxiety in Rick that Daryl had read. Anxiety that had not been there when they'd first brought Andrea in but that had settled on him since she'd left. "Andrea is persuasive. This fella is armed to the teeth bent on destruction."

"So what do you want to do?"

"We match it. I'm going on a run."

"Plan it tomorrow," Daryl agreed.

"No, you stay here. Keep an eye on your brother. I'm glad you're back, really but he causes a problem its on you."

"I got him."

"I'll take Michonne." Rick said getting raised eyebrows from both Hershel and Daryl.

"Sure that's a good idea?"

"I'll find out. And Carl, he's ready. You hold it down here."

"I got it." Daryl assured him.

They grew silent and listened to the finale of Beth's song. "You got to hold on, hold on."

He had to get this right, had to get as many guns as possible. It was the only way to be prepared for the Governor and his thugs. Rick just hoped that Andrea could hold him off long enough to give them a fighting chance. A chance to get her home.

"Take my hand, I'm standing right there."

**'Just hold on, Andrea.'**

_Down by the Riverside Motel, its 10 below and falling_

Andrea rose from the Governor's bed cautiously and reached into her discarded pants for the knife she'd hidden.

_By a 99 cent store she closed her eyes and started swaying_

She stood beside him, the moonlight streaming through the window lighting her way.

_But it's so hard to dance that way when it's so cold and there's no music._

She lifted the knife ready to plunge it in or slide it across his throat but she stood frozen.

_Well your old hometown is so far away but inside your head there's a record._

She couldn't do it; she couldn't kill him in cold blood no matter what he'd done.

_That's playing, a song called Hold on, hold on_

'We don't kill the living,' Rick had said that once. She believed him then and she still believed it now even if he couldn't.

_You really got to hold on_

She wanted to do what she could to stop the bloodshed for the group but she also had to think of the innocents of Woodbury. She could not abandon them now.

_Take my hand, I'm standing right here_

She backed away from the sleeping man, stared out the window and imagined she could see the distant towers of the prison and the man leading the group inside.

**'Don't forget about me, Rick.'**

"And just hold on," Beth finished.


End file.
